I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
