I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
