Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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