K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
