he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
