ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
