I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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