You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
