If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
