I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
