Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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