You're my little dorito
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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