why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
