mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
