I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
