Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
