Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
