...so i touched it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
