He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
