You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How naked do you want me to be?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
