Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
