brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
