are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
