using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
