Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
