i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
