New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Terrible idea I love it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
