oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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