This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
