I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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