You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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