Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
