we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
