I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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