Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
