You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
