grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
