That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
