tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
