I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
