he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
