you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
