yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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