Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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