Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
