We named our party play list daddy issues
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
