Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i will never coherently bang her
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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