I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
