those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
