he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
