I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
