genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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