Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
