i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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