dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
