it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Sober January is a disaster.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize