my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
